Cheap Thrills. The plays.

Birdseed.

Ana is a sex worker. Ben likes sex workers. Both of them harbour secrets. Very, very, dark secrets.

photo of Amy Lawrence about to do something very unpleasant to Callum Davies in the first production of Birdseed.

Strictly adults only. Having said that I don't consider it gratuitous. It's got stuff to say about how society treats sex workers, wrapped up in a fifteen minute thriller. With castration because of course.

This one does require stage combat - PLEASE BE CAREFUL, RESPECT YOUR OWN LIMITS AND GET SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING. Do not do this play if you can't do the stage combat safely. If you produce this play you are promising that you do stage combat to the required level. Other than that you can hand this one in for pretty much zero production cost. Depending on how you do the penis.

Fun fact - when this one was accepted for publication, the publisher's assigned proofreader refused to touch "this filth". The theatrically astute will recognise my own humble homage to Sarah Kane (I'm not pretending to be on her level but I still like this piece). I wonder what Mr or Ms Proofreader would make of a full production of Blasted.

Props

Sound and Lighting.

Ana will need music to lap dance to.

Notes

The blood pouches
Ana gouges Ben's eyes out (of course she does). There are basically two ways of doing this - either Ana has two pouches (and Amy had them tucked into her bra) or Ben has them in his trouser pockets and we do a quick bit of misdirection; as Ana is getting all aggressive in the space upstage of Ben's head, Ben slips the pouches out of his pockets then positions his hands over his own eyes (seriously, if you're going to to Birdseed get a fight director, it makes such a difference). Like all good magic tricks this is all in the sell. Amy's roar of rage and Callum's scream carried the scene way, way more than any blood bag ever could.
Photo of Amy Lawrence doing something very unpleasant to Callum Davies in the first production of Birdseed.
The penis
Of course he gets his penis bitten off, of course. The first ever production used a magic tongue. You can get them off Temu for 50p, but they're not as good as the one we found here. Sixteen quid (I did switch to amazon.com to see how much it cost in dollars but it just said "not available in your region"). We're still using that one after approaching a year and a half. It has served us very well indeed for sixteen quid.

Script and License

This one is published. The full script can be read at this link and a professional license can be obtained there. I can issue "promotion" licenses for small productions, email me if you'd like one.

First Production

Birdseed was first produced at the Caroline Street Social Club on the 31st March 2023 with the following cast:

They were very, very good.

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